“I bring up my last text, sent to Strane four hours ago: So, are you ok…? He still hasn’t responded, hasn’t even read it. I type out another—I’m here if you want to talk—then think better and delete it, send instead a wordless line of question marks. I wait a few minutes, try calling him, but when the voicemail kicks in, I shove my phone in my pocket and leave my apartment, yanking the door closed behind me. There’s no need to try so hard. He created this mess. It’s his problem, not mine.” (1)
My Dark Vanessa by
My Dark Vanessa is a story about the titular character of Vanessa who is caught up in a scandal not of her causing. In an era where many women are finding the strength to speak out and say #MeToo, Vanessa finds herself caught in a bind. When she was in her high school boarding academy, she entered into an affair with a teacher named Jacob Strane, a 40-something average looking man, who twists her mind into believing she is the pursuer. When Vanessa finds out that several women have come forward with accusations regarding Strane doing the same thing, Vanessa faces a crisis. Did she really love Strane? Did Strane really love her? Or was she just like every other of his victims manipulated and abused? Through the book, we alternate her perspective from the present day where she reckons with her past, and the past when we see her perspective about how Strane groomed and eventually abused her.
This book is not for everyone. It is a very heavy read with very difficult and triggering material. So, it is understandable if you can’t read this but if you can, I recommend it. It is a really well written book truly delving into the psychology of this poor woman, who tries to rise out of victimhood. She's also a very complex character, at some moments annoying and unlikable. It deals with the topic in a very sensitive and nuanced manner. Strane is a villain, but he’s nuanced enough to make one question how this person could do such a horrific thing.
Again, this book is a trigger in and of itself, so shy away from this if you must, but if you aren’t triggered, this is a must read.
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